I have just finished reading a small volume of what has to be the best book to keep in your lavatory. This small volume of highly improving fairy tales written by James Finn Garner and entitled with great accuracy as “Politically Correct Bedtime Stories” consists of some 13 well loved fairy tales rewritten to conform to the needs of our Politically Correct age.. Well, obviously not really, the whole thing is a superb satire on the more idiotic aspects of PC thinking.
To give you a taste of this totally enjoyable little book, here is a section of his “improved” version of Little Red Riding Hood.
There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother’s house–not because this was womyn’s work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.
So Red Riding Hood set out with her basket of food through the woods. Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was confident enough in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not hinder her.
On her way to Grandma’s house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, “Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.”
The Wolf said, “You know; my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.”
Red Riding Hood said, “I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way.”
Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style though, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma’s house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on Grandma’s nightclothes and crawled into bed.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, “Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch.”
And so it goes on. All the stories are somewhat in this fashion, which is one reason I declare it to be ideal Lavatory reading.. 13 short stories, each highly improving in their own way, and none longer than about 2 or 3 pages, so just right for the average lavatory visit I feel.
Even though this book was published in 1994, it is still (I am sorry to say) very relevant to our lives, as the dreadful PC vogue is still with us, twisting our thinking into pretzels as we endeavour not to offend anyone – except of course those who disagree with our world view in any way.
Anyhow, you can get a copy of this delightful book at Amazon among other places. As it happens, you can get it as a hard back book, an ebook, on a Cassette tape (huh?) a CD or as a paper back… Just follow this link and this enchanting little book can be yours.
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